When a couple has not been able to conceive a
child after trying to do so for a year, they may decide to seek for medical help. Medical examinations and the ensuing treatment often alleviates the stress caused by the situation, because there is a possibility of discovering the cause for infertility and hope that this may be treated. This situation involves strong emotions: Why did this happen to us? What is wrong with me because I cannot fall pregnant? Will I ever be a mother or a father? What types of treatment am I prepared to go through? Experiencing and accepting a variety of emotions as part of this stage of life is significant to both.

Obtaining factual information on one's situation and the treatment options makes the decision easier. The couple's wishes are carefully listened to during the treatments. There is no need to make urgent decisions, instead these may be reflected upon in peace and quiet. On the other hand, facilities to start immediate treatment are available.

Psychological resources

Women often have their own support network with whom it is possible to discuss even difficult issues and emotions. This may, however, not always be the case, or infertility may be a matter which some do not feel like bringing out into the open. Some may deal with the frustration or uncertainty through work or hobbies. Going through infertility treatment offers one the hope to be able to have a child but is, on the other hand, very consuming; will we succeed this time? Is the treatment physically painful? How much longer are we prepared to continue? There is no straightforward answer to these questions. Enduring the uncertainty may be relieved by, for example, reading literature on the subject, or by putting emphasis on other important areas of life.

Many men also have a social network but it may be difficult to handle painful matters in this circle. It is not easy to talk about infertility, but nowadays infertility is such a common problem that there may be surprising revelations even within the closest circle of friends when one has the courage to discuss the problem openly. Male infertility is often closely related to questions of masculinity. What kind of a man am I? What is my sperm like? On the other hand, there may be concern over the well-being of the spouse, as most parts of the medical examinations and treatment are usually done to the woman. Participation with appointments and awareness of the fact that the treatment will begin and the situation will move forward often help.

Infertility and the couple

Infertility creates changes in the relationship of the couple. The couple may experience feelings of anger and guilt, but at the same time the shared sorrow and hope may bring about closeness. Surviving an infertility crisis may further enhance the commitment and closeness of the couple. The experience has become a shared experience. Many couples have felt that they have been able to discuss matters that have been difficult to address previously, but which still "have always existed". Sometimes talking about one's feelings with the partner does not seem to be sufficient. Talking to friends and relatives about feelings caused by infertility may help but it is not always possible. Discussions with the staff at the infertility clinic alleviate the situation and help to give it a new perspective.

Infertility may be strongly associated with "making babies", fertility being an important expression of sexuality. This means that sexuality, which is everyone's own personal, intimate matter becomes some kind of an object of attention. Questions related to maternity and paternity are raised. Sexual intercourse, which is part of one's sexuality may become a scheduled routine, which is determined according to the best time for conception. There are, however, many sides to sexuality, which can be also strengthened during infertility examinations and treatments. Intercourse also serves different meanings. Intercourse which is timed with a viable conception time aims at solving the problem of infertility. Sexuality, on the other hand, is directly linked with pleasure and does not necessarily need to serve a purpose, as such. Discovering and preserving romance, sexuality and even humour also during infertility treatment enhances the well-being of both partners. The situation may be improved by an awareness of the fact that this is a stage in life that the couple is going through together and the difficult, strenuous situation will eventually be solved, one way or another. Life goes on during the treatment periods and after them. As a result of the treatment, there may be a new addition, a baby, to the family. It is always worthwhile making an effort in a relationship. Sharing emotions may at best open whole new dimensions of knowledge about one's partner and improve the well-being of both the relationship and the individual in question.

Lapsettomien Tuki ry is a support organisation for childless couples in Finland. This organisation offers, for instance, discussion groups.